Always a Woman to Me
by GreySide58
Summary: Spike makes a visit to a grave.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Song belongs to Billy Joel**

**A/N: When I heard this song I instantly thought of Spike and Buffy. It just seems like the perfect song really. Enjoy the story. :) Also, this is sort of several different visits, just all of them are so similar that it's like one night, but the things he's talking about happen at different times. **

Spike leaned against a headstone as he downed a bottle of Jack Daniels. Another encounter with the slayer had sent him into yet another alcohol filled evening. He really had to stop letting her see the side no one else saw, it didn't bode well with the image he'd created over the years.

"I'm gonna stake myself one of these days if she doesn't watch it." he told the headstone next to him. A mug that read '#1 MOM' was sitting on top of it, filled halfway with Jack Daniels.

_She can kill with a smile_

_She can wound with her eyes_

_She can ruin your faith with her casual lies_

_And she only reveals what she wants you to see_

_She hides like a child,_

_But she's always a woman to me_

"You know she won't tell the others, won't tell 'em what really happened. She'll only tell me. It's almost like she doesn't mind if this bit of information hurts me that or she just really trust me. Which option should I choose?" He asked pointing his bottle at the stone. He received no answer except for the wind.

"I really don't mind though, 'cept when she puts a stake through me heart. Not literally of course, luv, so don't worry. It hurts though. She knows 'ow to hurt me and, and she doesn't care. Not usually, sometimes she cares, though maybe it's just the 'bit remindin' her to. Whatever it is, it's alright by me."

_She can lead you to love_

_She can take you or leave you_

_She can ask for the truth_

_But she'll never believe_

_And she'll take what you give her, as long as it's free_

_Yeah, she steals like a thief_

_But she's always a woman to me_

"Don't ask me when I first knew I loved her, because I don't honestly know. It was somewhere in the midst of my obsession to kill her. I'd wanted her more than the other two slayers. Maybe it was 'cause she was Angel's, maybe it was because she tried to kill Dru. Maybe it's just one of those great mysteries of life, ya know?" he took a sip from the bottle.

"Time after time she tells me that I'll never be anything to her. Well if I'm nothin' to her why does she come to me, why is it _me _that has to make her feel again? You know she as the audacity to tell me that _I _don't love her after I've told her at least a hundred times. I don't lie 'bout my feelings, not when it comes to love that is." He wiped at the tears that were starting to trail down his thin, pale cheeks.

"I really need to stop blubbering here at your grave. What would the others say if they saw me? Buffy was right when she first called me pathetic. I am, I try to fight it, but good ol' William doesn't like to be forgotten you see. So when she comes to me looking for just a tumble in the crypt I give it to her, because it's what she wants and William would give her what she wanted, so I give her what she wants." He laughed bitterly.

"I really am pathetic."

_Oh--she takes care of herself_

_She can wait if she wants_

_She's ahead of her time_

_Oh--and she never gives out_

_And she never gives in_

_She just changes her mind_

"Ya know I never know what she wants, just that sometimes when I help her she gets mad, others she's emotionless, almost as if she's been drained of life…and no, not that way. She's too smart for that, knows how to use a stake right and proper. Moves like nothin' I've seen before either. Demons and vampires fear her, I've heard it. I believe it to. She's something to be feared." He was lying on the ground now, the bottle empty next to him as he looked up at the stars.

_And she'll promise you more_

_Than the Garden of Eden_

_Then she'll carelessly cut you_

_And laugh while you're bleedin'_

_But she'll bring out the best_

_And the worst you can be_

_Blame it all on yourself_

_Cause she's always a woman to me_

"Now, I've got somethin' to confess and I really am sorry, but I need to tell you. I tried to hurt her, hurt her more than I ever have before. I just wanted her to love me, but I forced myself on her. I ran after she pushed me and the chip went off. I ran all the way to Africa, got my soul back and everything, just for her…She still doesn't love me, guess I'm really not worth loving now am I." His bitter laugh could be heard through the cemetery. No one living or undead was around though, just him. Tears of guilt ran down freely as he remembered the awful night.

He was silent for a time before standing up.

"I really should be going now. But really, I know she's your girl and she'll always be your little girl, but to me she's a woman, a strong, beautiful woman and I love her." He picked up the mug that was on the stone.

"Now, Joyce, I must thank you for once again listening to me ramble on, you really don't have to." He lifted the glass. "To you and your girls." He drained the mug. After placing a gentle hand on the stone of the woman he'd come to consider a second mum, Spike made his way back to the Summer's residence. As awful as she could be sometimes, Spike knew it was because of the slayer that he had somewhere more comfortable than his crypt, to lay his head down at night. Just for that simple show of kindness he was thankful, because her shows of kindness to him weren't that frequent and he was grateful when they were there.

Buffy was the one, the one he loved, the one he protected, the one he could never get enough of. She was only a child when he first saw her, but she'd grown into a woman, he'd watched her, he'd helped her.

**The End**


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